There are many ways that you can build your empathy skills. Dr Jamil Zaki, a leading psychologist and empathy researcher, presents 5 methods for building your empathetic skills.
Think about something you are currently struggling with. Take some time to reflect on it, then write down how it makes you feel.
Now imagine a friend coming to you with that same problem. Think about what you would say to them; what advice would you give them?
“By building self-compassion, we are increasing our capacity for empathy.”
Avoid practicing this exercise with someone who harms or belittles you or the group you belong to.
Spend 15 minutes listening to how someone came to form an opinion on a subject. Then spend five minutes sharing your own story of how you came to your own opinion on the subject.
The point of this exercise is to show us that it is possible to disagree with others without disliking them or seeing them as the enemy.
“Empathy does not mean condoning, but it can mean understanding”
Being aware of your energy levels and what might be draining them is useful, as is knowing what can help reenergise yourself and build your empathy. Sometimes we can find ourselves energised by doing something small for someone else. It doesn’t have to be big, maybe it’s sending a quick message to let someone know that you are thinking of them.
These small acts of kindness don’t just brighten someone else’s day, they can also give you a boost of energy and positivity!
Many of us pick up our phones to check social media and before we know it, hours have passed!
For this activity, try to spend a few days auditing your phone use; take note of how you feel and what you have gained from the time spent on your phone. If it has not made you feel energised or connected to others, think about how you can use it differently.
For example, instead of simply ‘liking’ someone’s post or scrolling through endless comments, think about reaching out to people directly and engaging in more meaningful conversations!
“Try to be intentional about technology as a medium in which human connection can exist and which you can try to pursue that connection”
It is great practice to make a habit of praising empathic behaviour when we see it. For this exercise, take a moment in your meetings or group-work sessions to recognise whenever others show empathy and patience and help others achieve their goals. Zaki states “A lot of our attention tends to go towards the loudest voices, which are not necessarily the kindest voices”.
“When we notice the good around us, it balances our attention a little bit.”
Once you have tried and tested these exercises, why not turn them into a lifelong practice? The more that we can develop our own empathy and encourage it in others, the more we will be contributing to an overall culture of kindness.
“By calling kindness out, we’re more likely to make it magnetic through that social force.”
Zaki, J. (2019). The War for Kindness: Building Empathy in a Fractured World. Crown Publishing Group.
